punk rock blues

Monday, October 31, 2005

SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST: FUNNY HOW TIME SLIPS AWAY

(Author's Note: I was unable to get the promised guitar this weekend and the birthday gig was cancelled, so 'The Murder Weapon' will take a bit longer to record/convert and post. The following are just the random thoughts of a slightly depressed old man)

Life goes on and gets in the way at times. If not one's own life then certainly the lives of others. My friend Amanda, who was going to lend me her guitar this weekend, left town to see her new girlfriend in Denver very suddenly and apparently forgot about our arrangement. No biggie, really, I'm I firm supporter of young lesbian love (and, yes, I know that looks suspect in print. This only goes to yr mind and my mind skydiving to the gutter). What really bummed me out was the birthday gig getting cancelled. Apparently my buddy Kenny didn't lay the proper groundwork (that is he never really cleared it with the club owner, or the drummer or anyone really. Maybe next week.) I shouldn't be surprised, really. These type of things happen all the time out here in the sticks. People and things move a lot slower and folks, especially my buddy Kenny, tend to do things in a lacksadaisical fashion. The Rasta mantra of 'soon come, mon, soon come' seems to be like the county motto out here.

In the grand scheme of things, another wasted weeked (I did write some more lyrics, but lately all my stuff is either too hateful to be taken seriously outside of a teenage death metal cult scenario) or another, lesser rewrite of 'Catholic as Hell') isn't that big a deal. A disappointment yes, but not the end of the world. But, I gotta tell ya, put enough of them together and it wears on a man. Job hunting has slowed to a stop as I have to wait for my next check to come in to gas up the car to get anywhere, although I still haven't gotten a solid 'no' from the convenience store that's literally next door to where I live so all hope is not lost.

Just a lot of it.

Due to my current situation, I've been spending a lot of time inside my head lately and it's not that great a neighborhood. Too much time to go over (and over and over and over) all the mistakes I've made throughout the years that led me to my current state. I know enough to not give into the real negative stuff, but the facts remain I've screwed up job after job and relationship after relationship, among other things and my solution to this always seems to be to either write about rock and roll or to play rock and roll. It's a pretty sad thing, when you think about it, a man of my age still thinking he can somehow identify (if not save his life, both figuratively and literally) with the music of the teenage wasteland. Especially when living in a rural, agricultural community.

I need to get out of this place.

The prospect of moving, daunting enough for one so impoverished, takes on the scent of impossibility when I consider that I'm not alone. I have to move not only myself, but also Buster, Bleeker and MacDougal. I know, I know. Many might say"screw the dog and cats, get yr life together, son, Yr using the critters as an excuse!" To that I say 'fooey!'. Buster and the cats have been keeping me sane lately, giving me something other than myself to consider and I could no more abandon them than I could fly under my own power.

Gosh, I'm whining. Sorry but I gotta vent a little here. The idea of recording a home-made cassette and posting it online and selling it was/is a last ditch pipe dream. I know that. But it's what I have to offer, really. I'll settle for selling lotto tickets and coffee. Hell, I'll be glad to have a job, any job that doesn't require freezing to death at slave wages and constantly being reminded of my own inadequacies, but I want, need, deserve and shall have more!

Gee, I feel better already.

I guess I'm at what they call a 'stuck point'. On the plus side, I'm still sober, have enough of my rent paid up that I don't fear imminent eviction and have friends who are helping me through the lean moments. On the minus side, it's all a little 'here we go again'. I'm all too familiar with the patterns of behavior that leave me, once again, unemployed and a little hateful toward the world. I still feel trapped. At least this time there's no one to blame but myself and I won't have to waste time mentally bitching at someone else. Music will me made, jobs will be found and I swear I'm gonna get myself and my furry family away from this sinkhole of a town. Somehow.

On the musical side, James Brown rules!!!!

Posted by: timbyrnes at 16:53 | link | comments (4)

Comments:

#1 01 November 2005 - 19:38

In that case, there's only one thing to say:

HUHT! Git up offa that thang!
Git up offa that thang!
Git up offa that thang!
Git up offa that thang!
HUHT!

:PPPPP

love always,
carl

Anonymous

#2 02 November 2005 - 15:39

By the way, if you still don't have steady employment in three weeks (and/or can get the time off), you could always load the recorder, et al., into the truck and bring it up here with you for Thanksgiving. I've got an acoustic too, you know. :P (that's it, though, I'm afraid...)

I'll just make sure the girls are taking a really long walk/drive while y'r recording. :PPP

carl

Anonymous

#3 02 November 2005 - 21:03

thanks, (cosmic) bud! looks like the convenience store's coming through. The best part is my sister gave me the news! Still not definite but looking better. also, since seeing that Mummet movie, I can't hear 'Get Up Offa That Thing" w/out picturing Gonzo on that tractor. Bad scariness.