rock and roll musings by Tim Byrnes

Looking For Lester In All The Wrong Places: The Inevitable prb Interview w/God

     Been awhile. Sorry. Had to put Sammy down about 2 weeks ago and it really screwed me up. I mean, I cried for stuff that happened 40 years ago. When it's Buster's turn I'm just gonna ask for a shot for myself, too. In the meantime, the frycook job, well, let's just say it didn't work out. I'm signed up for unemployment while I search for a work-at-home job that's not a scam and am currently rehearsing w/2, count 'em, 2 country bands (that actually work) so wish me luck.

   Earler this week, though, when things were really dark (which is why I haven't been writing lately, it was all whining. A fine whine perhaps, but whine nonetheless) I was just about asleep when the bottom slat of my futon snapped, causing the suckerfish to close up, not only on me, but on my poor little buddy Bleeker Street Kitten, who, fearing that he was being eaten by a floral covered alligator, proceeded to piss himself. It was such a slapstick answer to the unspoken "what next" question, that I had to burst out laughing. After rescuing Bleeker I was off to take the now besotted blankets to the washing machine when I tripped over MacDougal, who'd been hiding in the dark during all the ruckus, and banged my head on a brass pole lamp I got from my Aunt's house along w/Sammy, which of course lead to the following fantasy sequence.

(All of the above, however, is the Lester's honest truth).

     Smoke cleared like a reverse run film clip in black and white. All grainy. Shadows from a ceiling fan (the 6 - plus footer's natural enemy) slowly strobed the interior of what looked to be the lowest low dive gin mill in imagexistence. My head still throbbing from it's head on with the reality based pole lamp, I sat at the bar. From the shadows behind the bar stepped George W. Bush, smiling and clearly on fire.

     "A burning Bush??!!" I asked my subconcious, "A burning Bush!!?? This is the best you can do?"

   Special FX sent up some swirling harp music along with the slow dissolve which focused into me, still at the bar, but now faced w/a more appropriate embodiment of God. A form I consider the pinnacle of beauty and strength, the lovely and talented Courtney Love.

     That's right I said Courtney Love.

     This time, God's made in my (preferred) image. So w/no further ado. The prb interview w/God.

prb: So, yr God, huh?

god: Despite the prurient package you've given me, that would be a 'yes'.

prb: Hmmm, what an opportunity. What to ask first. Uh, can I see yr tits?

god: You should know better than anyone that you can't even score in yr own fantasies, son. You've got me here, what's on yr little, key word being little, mind?

prb: Alright. Gimme a minute, yr a little imposing but, then again, I've always been flustered around beautiful women. OK, first question: Why us?

god: Huh?

prb: I mean why create us? What was in it for you?

god: That's not for you to underst....

prb: Here we go. Why is it w/you deities and other politicians that the minute you get asked a direct question you hem and haw and ultimately tell us we won't understand?

god: My ways are mysterio....

prb: Nononononono. Not good enough. No more hokey pokey mumbo jumbo crap. Easy question: Why did you create us? What was/is in it for you?

god: I am that I am, the Way....

prb: That's not an answer, that's a slogan. Empty rhetoric. What is yr nature: Alien? Advanced conciousness? Time traveler? Is there a man behind the curtain I should pay no attention to?

god: I am all that and more and nothing, I am the Light and the....

prb: Well, I see we'll be getting no sense from you tonight. Although I gotta say, damn, you hot. Ok, let's try another tact. What's the Devil?

god: You are. Not you personally, you don't have the chops, but yr kind, humanity. I give you paradise and you create the history of murder. Wars and killing in my name, that's the Devil.

prb: So yr saying essentially that the Devil, or evil itself, is created and perpetuated by the thoughts and acts of man?

god: Very good, yr staring to catch on. I remember back when Lucifer got all mouthy, I told the motherfu....

prb: Wait a minute, if evil and the Devil are nothing more than personifications of all the bad things that go on in humanity's collective mind that doesn't it stand to reason that God, or the personification of good, is nothing more than than the sum of all of humanity's good thoughts and deeds?

god: Er, emm..... cough, cough  ..... uh, wanna see my tits?

    At that point I woke up on the laundry room floor. Hit it, Jim.

Posted by: timbyrnes at 19:42 | link | comments (4)

Comments:

#1  28 September 2006 - 15:26

 

well i will wish sammy well on his journey. you are a great lover of creatures and a good caretaker and i'm sure he's quite lucky to have come to you to see him off. it breaks our hearts when they go, but maybe it opens us up even bigger for the next friends that come along. take care.

limine

#2  28 September 2006 - 16:35

 

Yep, that WOULD be the wrong place to look for "Lester," all right.... :D

Hoping/praying the gigs pan out. Country Tim is still better than Silent Tim. Heck, the world needs another Joe Ely anyway.

burninglight

#3  02 October 2006 - 17:39

 

[quote]...God, or the personification of good, is nothing more than than the sum of all of humanity's good thoughts and deeds?[/quote]

Where did the people having the good thoughts and deeds, and bad thoughts and deeds, come from? Their parents. and wehre did there parents come from, etc.

Jim

Anonymous

#4  04 October 2006 - 20:18

 

Say it w/me, folks....

I DON'T KNOW!!!!

tb

Anonymous

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