rock and roll musings by Tim Byrnes

The Unfairness of Toothpaste

    It appears that even the denial of the career alcoholic has it's limits. From what I remember from my rehab loss and grieving classes there are like 7 stages to this shit, right? (And don't those rehab, and other 'experts, love lists? It's like "Of course we're experts! We have lists don't we? Now shut up and do as we say!" But I digress) The 1st of which is supposedly denial.

     Well, I'll willing to give 'em that.

     Next up is supposed to be anger. Well,I've been practicing that one for 50 years, so let's rock. Now I'm not gonna disavow that last post. No, I am still grateful and amazed by the goodness that surrounds me and, Lester knows, I don't want to screw up anyones's answered prayers but I woke up this morning (bah- DAH- duh-duh) and was nothing but pissed.

     And all I could do was think about it until it was all my fault.

     Hmmmmm. There's a telling statement. Let's work this jerky, shall we?

     For every thought I release into the greymaze that says "I'm lucky to be alive w/my kids and guitar intact. It could have been worse." there's  another one whispering "Settin' the bar a mite low, aren'tch Sparky?". For every time I'm genuinely touched by a box of dishes, towels etc. left anonymously at my door there's this evil little bitch in my brainpan hissing shit like "Check it, man, real people can give away better shit than you ever had." or "They're only helping you 'cause yr a pathetic failure."

     Now I don't believe her. Not really. Not all the time. But she's always there, just waiting to get her chance behind the wheel.  I've spent the last 5 days trying to rid myself of the idea that my house burned because I'm a bad person. I haven't been successful. I've felt, alongside major gratitude, guilt and shame for needing charity from the community. Notice I didn't type 'my' community. I'm not there yet. I actively refuse to belong to much other than failure (and the greatest barband in the world) and have no idea why.

     For the sake of endless, useless argument, let's assume there's a god. Part of me thinks she blessed me and part of me thinks she missed me. But it doesn't matter what I think. It doesn't even matter what you think. What is, is. Yours, mine, theirs and oursand theirs. But no matter how many books we read or not. No matter how good or evil we are to one another in the end, we are all alone. And 95% of 'mine' currently sits in smolders not 300 yards away, my frightened cats dancing through the ashes.

     But I should be happy, right? Right?

     Well, fuck you!.

     5 stages to go...........................

Posted by: timbyrnes at 00:10 | link | comments (20)

Comments:

#1  16 March 2008 - 03:17

 

Your story reminds me of Somone I know who was born in a filthy stable, and He with His raggedy beat-up clothes were placed in a manger, which is something that animals eat from. Oh yeah, and the King was trying to get Him killed. And He had nowhere to lay His head during His ministry years.

So anyways, how is your big fat fluffy pillow and warm covers doing, along with your heat, cable TV, and internet connection that's covered by your rent?

Plus screw all that other crap that people have; all anyone needs is love. If you're dis-satisfied in life, then its because at the end of the day, you feel like you're not getting enough love. Well, pray to God for the love you need in your life; sometimes it takes time for the right people to come into your life. The long lonely times make us appreciate the people that come into our lives all the better, once they arrive.

Yeah, look how much happiness money brought the governor of New York. There's lots of rich guys on suicide row, like that song Richard Cory.

Tell that stupid voice to shutup.

And paste this on your wall so you can read it and say it every day, while you're at it:

------
Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
-----

Cuz rich or poor, satisfied or dis-satisfied, that's as true as it gets.

And like Jesus said, if he can take care of the lilies of the field by clothing them in splendor, how much more will he take care of us.


"So, I'll say 'Farewell' (again), and be down the road."
Jim

LDVoyager

#2  16 March 2008 - 03:57

 

"Tell that stupid voice to shutup."

sHUTUP, jIM.

timbyrnes

#3  16 March 2008 - 04:24

 

And fuck you as well, pinhead. What makes you think at this late date I want to hear yr godcrap, especially in the situation I'm in now? I get it. It works for you BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IT! I don't and no amount of sniping disguised as well wishing will make it so. I am grateful for the goodness I'm surrounded by I thought I made that clear. If anything my selfhatred streak started during my Catholic education where yr beloved pedophiles and sexually repressed geeks drum 'you are not worthy' into yr head starting at age 6. I've had enougfh of yr fairy stories so shut the fuck up and get back to ruining yr children's lives you asshole.

And btw, as of this writing I have neither heat, nor hot water nor cable not that you'd let anything like facts get in the way of yr crusade.

You ARE insane, you do know that, right.


Now fuck off and die, OK?
peace and noise,
tb

timbyrnes

#4  16 March 2008 - 12:22

 

"And btw, as of this writing I have neither heat, nor hot water nor cable not that you'd let anything like facts get in the way of yr crusade."

You guys don't need heat in Colorado; you have permanent sunshine. Simmons told me all about it. It only snows on the mountains for the skiers and tourists.

"If anything my selfhatred streak started during my Catholic education..."

Self-hatred does not come from Catholic education. Catholic education gives you a sense of self-worth and equips you to live as a saint. Its not like Protestantism that teaches us that we're nothing but snow-covered dung hills (Luther's exact words, by the way.)

Jim

LDVoyager

#5  16 March 2008 - 12:39

 

Why do you give all these crazy monologues, and then when all the dust clears, say stuff like "I'm sure at the end of the day I'll probably be asking for a Republican priest"?

Why not ask for the Republican priest right now? Do you want to be happy, or no?

Plus, how come you only talk about God's condemnation, etc.? What about the parts where He loves us, wants to forgive us, etc.

You''ll never be happy because you don't want to be happy.

Do you want to know what the deep theologians say Hell is? I'm begin serious here.

It goes like this. God's love is a consuming fire. We can either blaze with it, or be tormented by it. The poeple in Hell choose to be there. They choose that at all costs, they don't want God's love. They've been given ery chance, yet they choose to throw it back in His face, knowing exactly what they are doing.

One day, you'll be asked the question "Is that your final answer?"

Look, you hate yourself. How about instead of feeling like Hell about how gukilty you are, etc.; start focusing on why you do/did the things you hate yourself for, and let God be your therapist. He's on your team, he's not standing there as your judge. Imagine looking into your judge's face and seeing a savior instead. Well, that's Christ for you. Now shutup, and hit your local RCC.

Jim

LDVoyager

#6  16 March 2008 - 12:46

 

Oh, yeah, but back to Hell. I forgot to make the final point.

The guys in Hell, they chose/choose that at all costs they do not want God's love, and therefore His love is a constant torment to them.

You see, Hell is a door locked from the inside.

The reason you are so tormneted is because The Devil is telling you that you are so much more horrible and filthy than the next guy.

He's the guy you should be telling to shutup and die, not me. Not me.

And you want to know what The Bible says about why people would choose Hell over Heaven? Its called in The Bible "the mystery of iniquity". IN ohter words, it makes no sense; nobody can explain it.

Jim

LDVoyager

#7  16 March 2008 - 16:02

 

"Now , off and die, OK?
peace and noise, "

Like I say, how am I supposed to read this guy?

And who is a mere mortal like himself to tell a Moody Blues fan to off?

Jim

LDVoyager

#8  16 March 2008 - 16:04

 

The word "bleep" was supposed to show up a couple times. I guess it didn't because I have it in the less than and greater than brackets.

Jim

LDVoyager

#9  16 March 2008 - 16:05

 

"...less than and greater than brackets ..."

Now here comes one of his lectures about inequqality because of big business and The Republicans. :-b

Jim

LDVoyager

#10  16 March 2008 - 20:29

 

I'm glad to see you lovebirds talking again. :PPPPPPP

And no, tim, y'r not "screw[ing] up [my] answered prayers." You don't have that capability. Otherwise, I'd be adding "tim knows" in appropriate places in my posts. :P

burninglight

#11  16 March 2008 - 20:30

 

I don't talk about god's condemnations. I talk about yr and yr ilk's condemnations. The 'republican priest' remark was a joke you idiot and if all you got is god, which I believe I've made clear I find to be a fairystory, then you have nothing for me, pal. Keep it up, Sparky, I'm just getting warmed up.



To be, unfortunately I'm sure, continued..........
tb

timbyrnes

#12  16 March 2008 - 20:33

 

Simmons! Hey! Thanks, didn't see yr post. No, I have no capability at all and am happy that way. Stay tuned, I just might have a classic post coming.
tb

timbyrnes

#13  16 March 2008 - 20:47

 

"I don't talk about god's condemnations. I talk about yr and yr ilk's condemnations."

What the hell are we supposed to say? ITs OK to screw someone you're not married to? Sure, go ahead and kill your baby?

What the Hell is the matter with you; sometimes its like you don't have one ounce of common sense.

"The 'republican priest' remark was a joke you idiot..."

A very strange joke, becuae the last joke I would ever make is "I'll probably be calling for a liberal hippy when I die." I mean, that joke doesn't even come to mind.

"... and if all you got is god, which I believe I've made clear I find to be a fairystory, then you have nothing for me, pal. Keep it up, Sparky, I'm just getting warmed up."

If you are just getting warmed up,
then I'll just keep flushing your poor logic, down.

Jim

LDVoyager

#14  17 March 2008 - 00:37

 

"What the hell are we supposed to say? ITs OK to screw someone you're not married to? Sure, go ahead and kill your baby? "

No, yr supposed to say 'I'm not gonna screw someone I'm not married to or kill my baby because that's what I believe.' and stop being the conscience of the world.

"What the Hell is the matter with you; sometimes its like you don't have one ounce of common sense. "

... said the man who believes a man rose from the dead.

"
A very strange joke, becuae the last joke I would ever make is "I'll probably be calling for a liberal hippy when I die." I mean, that joke doesn't even come to mind. "

That one's simple. I'm funnier than you. And republican (and democrat, to be fair)priests are funnier than both of us. Get a job.

"If you are just getting warmed up,
then I'll just keep flushing your poor logic, down. "

Again a man who bases his life on a story threatens me w/logic. Nword puh-LEEEZ!

timbyrnes

#15  17 March 2008 - 01:12

 

If God can create a universe, then He can pull off the incarnation and rising from the dead. And walking on water. And feeding five thousand from a few loaves of bread and a couple fish. And raising the dead, and healing the sick, and starting an infallible teaching authority, etc.

Scrap the entertainer mode, and get into the mental gymnastics mode. God gave us a mind, let's use it. Its funner than trying to be an entertainer all the time.

Seriously, man, in all humility and sincerity, take that entertainer mode and nail it to the cross once and for all. It only detracts from the happiness of reality.

Jim

Anonymous

#16  17 March 2008 - 01:18

 

BTW, sorry about your apartment. Glad you and your cats are alright.

Did they ever find out how it started?

Jim

Anonymous

#17  17 March 2008 - 01:26

 

None of yr business. (Gonna play nice now that I blocked ya, huh?). Listen I've asked you politely to go away. I've asked you impolitely. I even went to the drastic length of blocking you 'cause you got nothing for me yet you continue to bring it. You have to be the most ungracious Christian I've ever met.

Seriously, take yr pseudo-psychoanalysis elsewhere. YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE.

timbyrnes

#18  17 March 2008 - 02:13

 

No problem; it was just hard to read before how serious you were.

On the one hand you tell me to screw off, then you say "peace and noise" on the next line.

One day you ask me to split, the next day you say "boy have I been mean lately, let's just not talk religion". I assume I was included in that since me and Simmons are the only posters here.

Alright man, I'm outta here.

"Gonna play nice now that I blocked ya, huh?"

I can't blame you for thinking that; but, no, I was just expressing something that I wanted to express a few days ago, but did not out of respect that I might not be wanted here. Well, now I know for sure.

BTW, for best results, don't respond to this, because my big weakness is having to get the last word in; so just let it go, alright.

You say some smart-aleck quip to this, and I'll respond with a post.

The frist time I said goodbye, you had already completed a post called "alright you wanna play pinhead". Don't make the same mistake.

Jim

Anonymous

#19  20 March 2008 - 03:50

 

this has been the most hilarious saga i've seen in motime.

obsessed catholic stalks exasperated rocker!

...is it really over? only time (and jim's self-control) will tell.

- dave

Anonymous

#20  30 March 2008 - 02:00

 

Actually Jim's lack of self control got the best of him and he made a snotty comment in the middle of a conversation I was having w/a friend on another motime blog (Hey Burning Light!) so all bets are off. I actually kinda missed my little whipping posterboy, what w/the anger stage of my recent loss lasting longer than I thought it would, it's nice to have somebody in my life I don't feel guilty getting mad at.


"cause, he's like, you know, a putz.

tb

Anonymous

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